Fifty Shades...

Unless you've been living under a rock in the last year or two, you've undoubtedly heard of the "50 Shades of Grey" books. These books have been dubbed "Mommy Porn".  They're the "Harlequin Romance" books for a new generation. Apparently there are going to be movies because I can't help but see the barrage of nearly pornographic cast photos passed back and forth on Facebook. 

Now there are shows titled "Naked and Afraid" and "Dating Naked". People indulge in this...but wonder why families and the morality of a nation as a whole is falling apart. My husband and I were discussing why the rash of these "Naked" reality shows. His theory was that it desensitizes the viewers. When more and more of the naked body is shown (eventually, on television) the public will start to see it as "no big deal". They've been shown so much already that eventually no one will notice. Modesty is becoming "weird" and "unfashionable".  This is Satan in our lives. If you think I'm being extreme, check this out: 

"You belong to your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of them." John 8:44

Satan is a liar. He is lying to you. He's letting you thing these things are ok. 

While the human body is wonderful and not to be ashamed of, it IS only for the eyes of your spouse or future spouse. If you are watching these shows or reading these books then I implore you to rethink it. 

It starts with one.
It starts with you. 

Now while this should be reconsidered by all, this is specifically concerning those who believe in who Jesus is, who consider themselves Christians. Sometimes the ways of the world seem so appealing that we get caught up in things that are not God, husband or family honoring. 

I love my husband -but if I found out that he was looking at things deemed "pornography" I'd be pretty upset. 
Or angry...hurt...betrayed... 
I would have these feelings because those actions do not honor me, our marriage or even himself. Believe it or not, looking at pornography is infidelity. 

" But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28

Does the same not apply to wives? We are called to love and honor our husbands. How can we do that when we are lusting after other men. It doesn't matter if we "feel" they are "unattainable". Consider that they are/may be a husband, a son, a grandson, a daddy, a nephew...Why are books and movies (that appear in theaters) considered "ok"?
It isn't "just for fun". Lust is sin.  

"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ..." 1 Peter 3

Your husband may not have a problem with these books or shows. Maybe he enjoys these things too. However, we are to look to a higher example than our husbands (sorry guys). As 1 Peter says, they should see the purity and reverence of your lives. We are teaching our sons that it is ok to objectify women because women objectify men. We are to be setting the standard to what our sons seek in a wife. 

When we look at every aspect of our lives - our thoughts, our actions - 
if our sons married women exactly like us, would we be happy or would we want better for him? 

"Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God" Galatians 5:19-21

Ladies, put down your books. Don't even give them away lest you tempt someone else to dishonor themselves and their marriage. Just throw them out! Turn the channel and watch a family movie or spend some one on one time with your spouse or children. If we don't respect ourselves, our husbands or our families and if we don't honor the God we claim to believe in - how can we expect anyone else to? 

I Shouldn't Feel Bad Because My Birth Experiences Didn't Suck

I've sat in circles of women...small groups...one on one...as they recall their birth stories. A first birth, comparing birth, and inevitably you'll get a few good "horror" stories as all the other women chime in "Ohhh it was AWFUL!"...and so on and so on.

And there I sit.

I had learned, by that time, that an answer of "I didn't think it was that bad" will get you blank stares. It will get you comments of "Oh you just WAIT till the next one" (I had two children at this point....but for some reason it was assumed that I expected all my births to be the same). Or there are the women who lean into the currently pregnant friend and says that they'll tell her what it's REALLY like at another time. Let's add in that the "I didn't think it was that bad" applied to my first birth with an epidural as well as my second with no pain medication. Yeah... that will make you some friends real fast. It will make most of the friends you DO have look at you like you're either a liar...or an alien species.

I just didn't think it was that bad. Sure it hurt and I joked with my husband that we wouldn't even THINK of having a second baby till I forgot the size of our son's head. Yeah, it hurt. I don't deny that. The second was easier than the first...I cried a little the second time and even remember saying "I just can't do this"!

But when I have to recall it, I find it nothing short of amazing. If I forget that, I just need to remember the look on my husband's face - amazement. Not to mention, the excitement in his voice.

My birth experiences are valid, real, and a lot more common than most women realize.
There seems to be this unspoken "rule" where the more painful your birth experience, the more war medals you receive. That the women who don't find it funny to joke about or exaggerate about their experience are less of a woman. Or less of a mother.

I find it baffling that while birth is something I'm passionate about and continue to learn about (even while not pregnant), advice is most often sought after from those who are willing to share all the horrors of birth. I certainly don't discount that there are traumatic and/or tragic births. They are there and they are worth talking about. What I'm talking about is your average birth. I don't understand it. Just wait till we have an intentional home birth! Oh boy, won't they talk... that we're extreme...and weird...and just "ew why wouldn't you want to have your baby in a hospital where it's SAFE"! Yeah... I've already gotten those responses. I've even been called a hippy because of that ideal. I don't quite understand the relation there.

More women need to be encouraging. Let's be honest about our experiences but there's nothing wrong with being encouraging and positive. Let's do away with those "oh just you wait" responses. If a woman wants to have a medication free labor then we SHOULD be saying "Wow that's great! You can do it. I'm very excited for you"....INSTEAD of laughing with a know-it-all "just you wait. You won't be saying that later. Wait till the PAIN kicks in". One is supportive, the other is not. Can you tell the difference? Have you done this to your friends and family?



Birth is amazing. It's beautiful. It's life changing and life affirming. Each experience is different but each is real - each really happened. Let's move out of this terrible "I'm more of a mom because my birth hurt more" mentality. These aren't even those so called "mommy wars". Actually, I despise that term. It's stupid. Let's call it what it is. They aren't Mommy Wars. It's called "you're-just-being-a-big-jerk-and-want-everyone-to-think-you're-right".

When we're done moving around, I fully intend to begin practicing as a birth doula. Of course, if we live back home again, I'm not sure I'll find much work as it's completely OBGYN run and "out of the box" notions aren't highly supported. Anyway, it's my plan. To show women that birth, while painful is amazing. It's scary but it's awesome. That someone will support you in your birth choices because likely (esp. back home) they will be seen as unusual if they're the least bit lacking in clinical detail. I plan to do this and enjoy it! I've been doing a little more learning on my own, especially with the hope of a home birth next time around. Next time a woman shares with you that she didn't find birth miserable or that she loved it, ask her about her experience. Who knows - you might *gasp* learn something new.

Benjamin right after birth
September 23, 2011

Gianna right after birth
April 15, 2013

Go West, Young Man (Part One)

We've been in Colorado for 6 months now, and I think it's time to resurrect the blog and tell the tale of our journey West. Here's how it all went down:
Sam had been working for a company back home from early Spring on till Fall/Winter. We had known the option was there to take work traveling with the company. He even did an interview in May. Nothing. Ok, then as they say "When God closes one door...", so we assumed this option was out and that was that. In late October Sam got a call regarding the job. We assumed it would be an interview face to face. Umm..nope....it was an offer for work. I think I just stared at Sam after he got of the phone and said "Denver? They want us to go to DENVER?" I'm still not sure whether that was excitement, shock, or disappointment. Maybe all of those. After some counsel with each other, friends and family and LOTS of prayer we made our decision in less than a week. Denver it was.

It was agreed that we could wait till after the holidays. However, a start date of January 8th was a bit too soon after the holidays for my taste. With quite a bit of disappointment, we resigned from our positions of leadership within our little home church. Many visits with family were made and a "make-shift" going away party was held the Saturday after Christmas. It was crowded and loud and filled with so much love from everyone. Belated Christmas gifts and going away presents were exchanged.

I'm a "crunch time" kind of person. With toddlers though, "crunch time" has to take place a lot sooner than it should to allow for little people melt downs and bad days. I had 4 boxes packed up to the day we got our UHaul.... Sam picked it up on January 2nd (our 4th wedding anniversary. fun, right?). I think the 2nd was an absolute disaster day. On the 3rd, things didn't go much better but on the upside, it was much easier to pack when we could move boxes into the UHaul and out of our way inside. We are SO grateful for all our friends and family who came by to help. Sam was pretty sure it was them coming out of pity because I only packed 4 boxes (haha). When we move from CO to NJ in a few months, I'll certainly miss our drill sergeant, Annette!  SHE was giving ME orders!

I refused to dwell on anything I packed. I attempted to be mostly business. I didn't want to think about what we would leave behind (especially out of the kids' toys), I didn't want to think about how empty our home was looking. I just wanted to get it done. Like ripping off a band-aid. On January 4th, our appointed leave time was about 1pm. Like most things, when left to DeMatteo Time, we were a bit late. I don't think we left till 4:30pm *eek*

I remember Sam wasn't in the greatest mood. Big storms were coming across the Midwest, he had to check pipes and all those necessities, we were late, and then there was the overall weight of responsibility to get his family across the country safely. Oh, and the carafe for his coffee pot smashed. Poor guy. Everyone had left at some point. My mom, 3 siblings, brother-in-law, niece and nephew were the last there. I remember our babies were in the van (that I would be driving). Everyone else was outside. Sam and I went in one more time and had a pretty good cry together. This was our HOME... where our babies were brought back to after birth, the first place we had together, many memories and dreams for its renovation. Let's not gloss over all the hard times too. Arguments, worrying over bills... Oddly, I treasure those memories too. 

We said our goodbyes...cried a bit more...and headed down the driveway. I really wondered what it would all be like...and I followed the taillights of the UHaul back our little country road...

nearly "home". Eastern Colorado

January Days

 An adventure on the slide with Papa!

 Even Papas get in on the fun!

 ...and Mamas!

 Dirt - Benjamin's "brother"

 baby feet *sigh*

 our baby blue eyes

Oh Baby...

As some of you know, we're expecting Baby Girl DeMatteo in mid-April.

I hate to admit it....but at 29 weeks I'm wishing away these last 11 (or so) weeks.

This was not what I expected. Morning sickness, out of breath, and overall...being completely useless.

With our son I was every where and not much kept me down. I guess now, I'm chasing a toddler...that probably makes all the difference. However, despite my annoyance with my own uselessness, I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy- each one is unique and only experienced once.

But I still try to take it one day at a time.

One thing that this has allowed me to realize is how much I've been blessed in our marriage.

My dear husband (rarely) gripes about the condition of our house and if something needs cleaned or done, he either does it himself or helps. He readily helps when I ask as well. Laundry baskets are too heavy and cumbersome for me to carry up and down the stairs now so I'm thankful he's around to help.

I realize that many men see these things as "woman's work" and refuse to step outside their assumed "gender roles". In our home, we both make messes...we both live here... we both take responsibility for cleaning up after ourselves (although sometimes it takes a few days or an invisible floor to get it done).

When my husband is working, especially on jobs with long hours, I do my best to keep a clean home, clean laundry and dinner ready (or at least prepared) for when he comes home. He's counting on me to do my part while he's doing his. If I don't, I'm not respecting my husband and the hard work he's doing to provide for our family so that I can be a work at home mama and raise our children.

I am blessed!

Focusing on what I'm being counted on to do and what I've been given in return (not material objects) helps me get back my "get up and go". I love my family <3 

In Time...

Today didn't start off as just any Friday. 
Today I woke up in my husband's bed in his childhood room at his grandfather's. 
Said room now holds wedding photos and an extra pack 'n' play. 

My husband wasn't there. 

It's that lovely time of year again. Bi-annual "outage season". It means long hours and too many days in a row. 

He started working (2 hours away) in early September. 8 hour days, 5 days a week. Completely manageable - he was home every day by 5:30 (although I felt bad that he had to wake up around 3:00/3:30 am). 

On September 23rd we celebrated Benjamin's 1st Birthday - and that night we hurried to pack everything from the party away, semi-organize the kitchen, and prepare/pack everything Sam would need for the next four weeks so he wouldn't have to rush the following morning. 

We're blessed that he is able to stay at his grandfather's when he works at this location. It means we have a comfortable place to stay, too much food, and time with family. However, I've been struggling much more than usual this time around. 

My fearless one year old

 Wednesday is the day we pack up and leave to see Sam. For some reason, Benjamin chooses THAT day to scream....relentlessly. Longest. Day. Ever. We plan arrival time to coincide with Sam's. We are all so tired by that time it's all we can do to eat and make small talk before bed. I'm usually feeling relatively grumpy - until I at least see my husband's smiling face. Thursday is a very long day...HOW do I entertain my curious toddler without tearing Grandpa's house to pieces?! Usually, that's a shopping/getting lost in Hermitage day. Friday is when it settles in.... Sam leave at 5am. I try to get in a few more hours of sleep. Then it's time to get ready, pack up, and leave.  I remember totaling the hours we would spend together. I think it added up to less than 24 hours in 4 weeks.

"building" a birthday present

Every week the drive feels longer and I feel the dread of an empty home and the anxiety of knowing it'll be *so many days* till we see each other again. My heart breaks when our little boy frantically climbs up to my lap every time the phone rings to see who it is, giggling away, hoping it's his "Papa". Maybe I'm more sad for their bond than mine? I don't know. We're halfway through it and headed for a much needed weekend for just Mama and Papa at the end of the month.Then there is also the very real anxiety I have with waiting for news of a safe trip to work and a safe return home. 

I've been trying to put this in perspective. My husband is not in the military - deployed. He is not on the other end of the country battling cancer, He is here. He is alive. He WILL return home. He is only doing his best to provide for our family - I know that this is equally hard for him - long hours, far from home, his wife and baby boy who adores him. I need to put this in perspective - all day - every day. 

In due time....half way there....

Snow Tires and The Lord

In case you were wondering, my title subjects aren't exactly related- although the Lord certainly was with us during travel tonight.

He walked on water...I doubt he needed snow tires ;-)

Anyway- this evening did not go exactly as I had planned. What had I planned? I planned to go to my Tastefully Simple party in East Brady (I was the consultant). I was going to leave my baby home with his Poppa- all warm and snuggly to spend quality time together. I was going to make money just by letting people taste food. Come home. Sleep tight.

What really happened....

Dayton- February 2010

A snow storm happened...leaving me several miles from where I needed to be (late to start with) and turning around. VERY embarrassing... this is my business! However, I have a little boy and a husband at home who need me around a little while longer. Heck, I'll go as far as to assume they like me! 2 miles of twisty road and sharp turns didn't seem worth the risk as bad as it was coming down...and not letting up. I drove route 268 back to Walmart with my 4-ways on while my darling husband took Benjamin to his Nana's while Poppa came to rescue me. Don't put your faith in a job...it's just a job and can go as quickly as it came. Lesson learned. Again.

During the course of the evening, I was led to think on something else: 

During each of our lives, we change- several times. Sometimes we change for the better. Sometimes we change for worse and sometimes we change our shirts four times in one day because we may have a baby who likes to throw up on everything we own...and that's ok.

What's not ok is being expected to keep quiet when you change for the better...you know...just in case you hurt someone's feelings. Just because that happens, does not mean it was the mission. Guess what- when people are told what is right from wrong, feelings get hurt. It's what you do with that new information and those emotions later on...that's what counts. My responsibility it not to politely stand by and tolerate immorality and misconceptions. As Christians, our responsibility is to be lovingly intolerant (I suggest reading "Be Intolerant" by Ryan Dobson). If we stand by and tolerate what is wrong and against God, then how are we going to respond to Him when he "calls us out" on it? In a perfect world, we would do this all the time. Usually, there's going to be a point (actually, several) where we are going to say "You know, what they said was wrong. Why didn't I say anything?" All we can do after that is ask for forgiveness and do better the next time.

Another thing that is not ok is "blaming" someone I love for making me this way. As if to say, "How dare he help make you a better person who is willfully trying to follow God!" My thoughts and actions are my own. Implying otherwise is insulting to my own intelligence and free will. It also insinuates that there are ultimatums or "conditions" to our relationship. It makes me a little angry, but more sad that I'm not considered able to think for myself.

What interests me, and frustrates me, is when I'm told the Bible was "never meant to be understood.....to understand that would be to understand the mind of God.....etc., etc,....". I used to think like this. To be honest, I thought like this because I was taught like this. Too prevalent in the Catholic church is a lack of Bible reading in the homes. By no means does this apply to ALL Catholics- I know better than that! This isn't even just the Catholic church- it happens everywhere- I can only speak from personal experience though.

If we read the Word of God with open hearts and minds, we WILL understand! Some things aren't as easily understood as others- those things will make sense to us when we're ready to understand (or when the time is right). If it was never meant to be understood, then why was it given to us, with commands, expectations, etc., to live by? WHY would the Lord give us something that we can't understand? He WANTS us to know His Word and live by his commands!

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be a scholar to read and understand. It does help, if you're familiar with the customs and ways of the people of the times. Not "a lot" was lost in translation as I was always told. I've found this has been a response by those who don't appreciate being told they're wrong- this being that, if they accepted what the Bible says as true, then they would have to change their ways and/or worldview. As I wrote earlier- no one likes being told they're wrong (I know I don't)!

I know that in our home:

: reading the Bible will happen as a family and will be encouraged (expected, I should say)!

: Our children will be raised in a Godly home. This won't happen overnight. It is something that Sam and I will learn to teach and live as we grow in our marriage and our faith- as we learn to be examples to our children, our families and those that we encounter every day (we have a ways to go, but I'm hopeful that we're on the right path). 

: Those who enter our home need to check the use of the Lord's name in vain at the door....but please don't pick it back up when you leave!

: if you DO use the Lord's name, you had best be praying (I need that on a plaque on our porch! lol)

: our children will not be exposed to or permitted to watch/listen to movies, cartoons, music, etc. that glorify immoral behavior. This is not sheltering them. Besides, even if it is, why would anyone WANT to expose their children to that. Are we naive enough to think it will never happen? Of course not!

This is not a rant or meant as an insult. This is a promise to my family. A promise that we will raise them the way God expects, within the best of our ability. When that isn't good enough, then our abilities need to be better!

Jesus love ME?! =)